I remember wanting to be a mom so badly. I could NOT wait! I mean really I was married at 18 and pregnant three months later. Being a mom was something I wanted really badly. Nine months later I had this blue eyed, bald, baby girl! I was so happy. I tried breastfeeding her for a month and it was HELL. There was no lactation specialist or anything and I did not know that I was not doing it right.
But, other than that bump in the road my daughter was so easy. She sleep through the night at about 12 weeks and she seemed to be pretty happy. Rarely crying and when she hit the toddler years I didn't even have to correct her much. I thought, "Man what is everyone complaining about? This parenting stuff is so easy." God must have been just laughing at my ignorance. Two years after my daughter was born out came daughter number two.
This Brown eyed, brown haired girl was just like me. Not only do I still to this day get told that she is my mini me. But, her temper and attitude is almost in perfect shadow of the once, tiny, pain in the butt child I was myself. She did everything opposite of my older daughter and in fact she gave me a little more than even my dad, who thinks this is God's punishment for me due to the fact that she was even more stubborn than I was as a toddler. (you know that child that you say no to, so instead of them being the perfect obedient child they are supposed to be. They give you that stair as they reach out and do the exact thing they were told not to do? Yes she is that kid)
I had to get really creative with her. In fact, I had to get so creative that I almost had to see into the FUTURE! I had to know the outcome of my choices as a mom before I even tried them out. Otherwise, no matter my efforts if I failed to get the point across the whole attempt was wasted and she felt victorious in being in charge.
I starting thinking, "Hmm maybe these people who think parenting is hard work have a point here"
My third daughter came along about 18mo later. I thought please, please dear LORD just let her be easier than daughter number two.
I got lucky as she came out as one of the happiest babies that I had ever been around. She nursed for an amazing two years and I finally felt like I had a handle on this parenting thing. I mean sure I had one stubborn kid, but one out of three isn't bad. Besides, I was dealing with her each day and things were getting easier and easier as I was learning how to deal with the situation. So My brown haired, native American shaped almond eyes third child seemed like a nice new addition to the family. The other two girls spoiled her rotten with bringing her whatever she wanted. I am not even sure she cried at all in the first two years of life, because no one ever gave her the opportunity to do so.
I thought my family was complete at this time. So, when my third daughter was around three years old and I found myself pregnant again except this time with a BOY!
You know those movies about pregnancy where one parent is super happy and the other one isn't?
It was kind of like that. Mike was really excited to have another boy in the house. But I had spent my whole adult life raising girls. What on earth was I going to do with a boy? It was like those scenes when they are driving down the road and one parent is looking out one side of the car and every mom and child is all happy and skipping etc... Then the other parent is looks out their side of the window and sees all these parents with children who are kicking, screaming and throwing tantrums.
I know this is weird, but that was how I felt. It was like every boy I saw was just this horrible tantrum throwing kid. I was totally freaked out!
When my son did finally arrive though, I was pleasantly surprised that he was a Mamma's boy and that he was whiny but otherwise a pretty good kid.
Mike and I didn't know if we wanted to have anymore kids. At this time in our lives we were not abolitionists. In fact we didn't even know what abolitionism was. Four kids was a lot! I mean five Kids is boarder line insane.....right?
But we let God make the decision and we ended up pregnant with Child number five in 2012. Of course we sent Mike off right away to get "fixed" because I mean five kids, yikes.
This pregnancy was hard. It started off almost immediately with bleeding, cramping, spotting, morning sickness. Even the ER doctor told me to get prepared because it looked like i was headed for a miscarriage. This news was devastating to say the least. So I emotionally didn't attach to this child during my pregnancy. It was like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But each day I continued to grow, I continued in the pregnancy and despite that all my other pregnancies had gone so smoothly this rocky one continues on. Like I said, I didn't get emotionally attached so deciding not to find out the sex of the baby didn't seem to bother me at all. I mean this child might not even make it to term. Luckily for our family God had another plan and we were blessed with our fourth baby girl (another blonde bald baby) on her due date.
It was love at first sight and finally after nine months some relief for my nerves.
If you have ever had a miscarriage I can not even imagine your loss or pain. I am so sorry that your child was taken way to early.
Mike and I had our five kids. Since we were both adopted we had a desire to adopt kids. With five already what were we thinking!?
It all came down to do we believe God? Do we believe that when he says a child is a blessing, that this is true? And do we believe that if He provides us with children He will also provide us with the means to take care of them.
Lo, children are a heritage of Jehovah;
And the fruit of the womb is his reward.
So are the children of one’s youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
Psalms 127:3-5
I mean God says they are a blessing....FROM HIM! What person in their right mind would refuse a blessing from the LORD?
This rang pretty heavy on me as we had sent Mike to get fixed. Had we really just told God that we knew better than He did, on what was best for our family?
I prayed about this for a really long time. I finally came to the conclusion that I needed to repent and ask God to forgive me for jumping the gun and stopping His blessings.
But we knew at this moment we could not afford a reversal so we pressed on with asking God to provide other children in our path that we could love and raise. In preparation we traded in our minivan for a 12 passenger van. Then, a little over a year ago, we got a call from my cousin who was asking me to pray for her as she moved forward as a foster mom. I guess I honestly didn't pay her much attention because when she called me back about a month later and was telling me she was so heart broken that our cousins would remain in the system, it was like a screeching halt to my mind....."
Wait.... Who?", I remember asking. She then explained that the two children in foster care were actually family. Also, that she was trying to save them from the system but unfortunately things came up with her own two boys.
Before I even could comprehend what was coming out of my brain, let alone mouth, I said, "why don't I just take them?" It shocked me that those words had flown out of my mouth with such ease that i feel it had to be God speaking through me. She was excited and was ready to pass the ball. I remember getting off the phone with her and just saying, "OK God, if this is something you want show me by allowing Mike to be on board with this idea."
I called Mike and to my surprise again, he was all for it and didn't even hesitate. I knew this had to be a God thing!
So I got to working. I pushed and pushed to talk to everyone in my path, every agency that came across my google search until someone finally said they could help!
This felt like I had finally achieved the goal. Little did I know that this was not even the tip of the iceberg that was yet to come our way. A frustrating one year and one month later. We finally welcomed the boys into our home. But that still is just the beginning of this journey. As we have a long way to go with raising them and moving on to adoption.
I can not wait to look back and see how He blesses us even in the small day to day tasks that I am not able to see in this busy period of life.
And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
Phil. 4:19
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Matt. 6:26
Remember when I said that there was an art to being a parent? Well the point of me telling you all of that, was to show you no two kids are alike. You have to be creative. You have to be wise. You have to be strong. What works for one child may not work for another.
So, you always have to be thinking like a child. What would upset me if my mom did....? What would motivate me if my mom.....? And never forget to Pray! Pray for God to grant you wisdom. He will provide. He wants these kids to be successful in coming to the Lord more than we even do.
MOST IMPORTANTLY in my humble opinion. BE THE EXAMPLE of what these kids need you to be. Don't just tell them what they need to be, but show them. If you want your kids to be kind, be kind. If you want your kids to do the will of your Father, YOU too must do the WILL of your Father.
Even though parenting seems so hard, it is also so simple.
I am still growing myself. I do NOT have everything all figured out. But, that's OK.
When you mess up apologize to your kids, your husband, you...whoever! Move forward.
One of the best things I did for my kids was tell them I am sorry. We all make mistakes and yet God will forgive us if we are truly sorry for what we have done. So show them your repentant heart so they also know what it looks like for them to have a repentant heart.
You're not alone in your "mom walk". Their are other moms right now, looking at their house thinking they are failing at something. They think they have messed up their kids. They think they have won the worst mom award. However, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow can be a fresh start. For your house hold and with Christ.
If you need to repent today, do so!
And don't forget to supersize your coffee, because we as moms can use all the help we can get.
Blessing.
Mrs. G
